He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
