ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
