I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
