Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
