I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
it's like heaven, but drunker
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
