I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
