i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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