This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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