i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
