all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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