Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
