I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
