Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
