Joe is yelling at the trees again.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
