Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
