I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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