i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
