I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
