I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
