JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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