it hurts more in the daytime
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Randomize
