you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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