i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
