Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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