worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
