Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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