your room smells of hookers.
And success
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
It was confusing and full of hummus
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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