I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
