No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
