Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
