At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
