My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
