I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
