Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
It's shark week go big or go home
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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