Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just had sex on a roof
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
