God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
How does it feel to date your dad?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
