so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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