First date: that requires underwear, huh?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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