piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
you didnt know i had herpes?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
