i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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