I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
