You just made me feel so damn special
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
