I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
