you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
