I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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