Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
