So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Randomize
