I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
