it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
