i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Randomize
