dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
