She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
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i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
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I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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