well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
what is it with giant penises always finding me
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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