No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
