I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
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You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
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Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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