toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I hate all girls vehemently.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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