It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
