I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
