and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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