matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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