i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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