I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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