I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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