Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
